For lack of anything more creative to write about today, I decided to empty my purse/suitcase/messenger bag and show you what I carry around on an average day. (Obviously, my brain has been functioning in low battery mode lately, given that this is the best I can come up with. You can take it or leave it.)I made this photo as large as Blogger would let me, but unfortunately, all my carefully numbered labels are too small to see. If you're so desperate for entertainment that you simply must see in detail each of the items and its corresponding number, I think you can click on the photo to enlarge it. No promises, though.
So, without further ado, here's why one of my shoulders sits permanently lower than the other:
1. This is the bag itself. An olive green canvas contraption that I got really cheap at Target. It has a garish orange lining (why? why? it's truly ugly!), but if I'm ever lost in the woods during hunting season, I can simply flip open my bag and no hunter will mistake me for a deer. I suppose it has its advantages.
2. Pizza Hut coupons, Best Buy coupons, and various grocery store coupons. They ride around in the bottom of my bag getting crumpled and dirty until they expire and I can throw them out.
3. Memo pads...for grocery lists, directions, and sudden flashes of genius that may strike while I'm driving or waiting in line at the bank drive-thru. (So far, there are lots more pages of "dog food, toilet paper, toothpaste, and pop tarts" than there are profound insights and truths. But I'm ready, just in case.)
4. My son's watch. It needs a new battery. It's needed a new battery for the past 7 months that I've been carrying it around.
5 - 7. Damage Control Equipment:
*Cosmetic case filled with pressed powder, lipstick, and a stick of anti-perspirant.
*Hairbrush
*Hairspray.
Numbers 5, 6, and 7 are all necessary, because, let's face it, wouldn't it be tragic to get caught in the wind or the rain, and then have to go sit someplace under fluorescent lights with no way to repair the damage?
8. Wallet with ID, library card, credit cards, insurance cards, grocery store discount cards, business cards, and occasionally, a little cash (which always keeps leaving to go with my kids).
9. Checkbook.
10. Water bill that I need to drop off at town hall.
11. An empty sandwich sized ziplock bag. I have no idea why it's in there.
12 - 14. Assorted books...one to suit any mood or amount of spare time. I never leave home without at least one book. Usually 2 or 3.
15. Sudoko Puzzles. Sometimes you don't have time to get into a book, but you can do a puzzle. These are fun and very addictive. Note: I carry a mechanical pencil (so it doesn't need sharpening) and a stick eraser (in the extraordinarily rare instance I make a mistake!) clipped inside the book.
16. Pens. For noting profound thoughts in my memo pad. And to remind myself to buy Q-Tips.
17. Two DVDs I need to remember to drop off at the store.
18. 26 cents
19. Kleenex. Lots and lots and lots of kleenex. All of them used. Nice, huh?
20. Keys. There's one on there that's a mystery key. I have no idea what it goes to, but I'm afraid to throw it away.
21. My work keys and my name tag (in case I ever forget who I am).
22. A small foil packet of sunscreen that was tossed from a flatbed truck by a politician in the last 4th of July parade.
23. Receipts. Like my used kleenex and coupons, these tend to accumulate in the bottom of my bag. I have every receipt for everything I've ever purchased, except for those things I need to return.
24. My "decoy purse". Seriously. I carry it around inside the giant bag in case I ever need to look normal. I can transfer my wallet and keys into it and ... *poof*... instantly, I can look like other normal women. (It's a Clark Kent/Superman kind of thing.) No one need ever know my "real" suitcase-sized bag is still in the car.
So there you have it. My purse.
I really don't know how men survive without purses. How do they travel around all day with only the stuff in their pockets?
Some women do that, too...they carry flat little billfolds or organizer bags the size of a box of Junior Mints.
How do they maneuver through this peril filled world with so small and pathetic an arsenal?
I'll never know.
