Contradictions

I used to be very worried about contradicting myself.

How stupid would it look to say something one day, and then express an opposite view the next?

But life is about contradictions. What we believe when we're 20 may be quite different from the things we believe when we're 40.

There's nothing embarrassing about that.

In fact, it's a good thing. If we never change our minds about things, then we never grow. We're not allowing room for new thoughts and ideas.

We need to give ourselves permission to revise our thinking. To look at life from different angles.

Contradict yourself once in awhile. Enjoy the free fall.

My husband is a race car. Flying around at top speed, burning through tires, focused on the competition. Many near misses. A few crashes and burns.

If he needs to change course, he can do a complete reversal of direction without so much as a blink.

He thrives on adrenalin, challenge, crisis.

I, on the other hand, am an ocean liner. Slow, methodical, destination driven. Carefully charted course.

To change my direction, I need lots of warning, time, and preparation. Once on course, it's very difficult and arduous for me to change.

I thrive on predictability, safety, security.

Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

One of those days....

Ever have one of those days? Or weeks? When it seems like everything that can go wrong, does go wrong?

That's what I'm having. Just got a letter from the Colorado Dept of Revenue today and found out that the tax people we paid to do our taxes never filed our state taxes.

Found out that a very expensive plane ticket is non-refundable, and we have no choice but to cancel it.

A close family member has been experiencing some upsetting events, and I'm quite concerned about her.

Still have most of my Christmas shopping to do, bills to pay, dental appointments to make, a holiday trip to plan, and a thousand and one other things to take care of RIGHT NOW!

I'm worried about all the expenses, lack of time, and mainly, lack of energy to deal with it all. I wish I could just crawl in a hole and wait until it's over.

But I'm trying to remember that when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it's because I'm focusing on the wrong thing. I'm letting myself get way too wrapped up in things that either won't matter much in the grand scheme of things or things that I can't control.

I figured out a while back that the stuff I worry about and stress over is the very stuff I continue to create more of in my life. Yet I still do it.

I know there's a lesson in all of this for me somewhere. (She types through gritted teeth.) I just need to let go. Let go of the worry. Let go of the stress. Trust that there's a reason for every single bit of this.

And there is.

I just have to take a deep breath, get a good night's sleep, tackle the stuff I can tackle, and let go of the rest.

I'll let you know how things work out. :-)